feelgood – To All My Strangers

Hello Strangers,

Isn’t that a nice picture? Look how bright the clouds are, and how shimmery the water is. I’m very proud of that one actually.

Henry (my partner and friend I’ve mentioned in past entries) and I went on a long drive and spent the day at the lake. For several months now, I’ve made some rather gruesome jokes about drowning, which he does not appreciate. The thing about it is though, there’s a certain mystique, a certain kind of romance around water and its temperament. Murder mysteries, ghost stories, and ladies of the lake. Not to mention, drowning in art is a lot different than drowning in reality. All kinds of symbolism and even hope in literature that simply is not present in real life accounts; in reality, drowning is just another way to die. Sometimes horrible, sometimes mundane, an unfortunate but not uncommon part of life. In art, it can symbolize anything from feelings of floating and sinking, stagnation, and depression, but also magic, freedom, otherworldliness, peace, and clarity.

As I mentioned though, it’s different in art than in reality and the simple truth is that despite all my jokes, I am actually terrified of drowning. I have been since I was a little girl.

And that’s why it was truly lovely to go to a quiet spot on the lake, pull out some sandwiches, chips and drinks for a nice lunch, and then wade out slowly onto the rocks. The algae was beautiful and absolutely disgusting as our feet kicked it up in the water, Henry grabbing rocks with his toes and “gifting” them to me to throw onto shore. I asked him where the edge of the cliff was under the water and he bobbed over to a spot and said “right about here.”

For the next several hours between bouts of exploring and playing games together, I swam out, rolled onto my back, swam awkwardly and slowly, and went further out than I’ve ever managed to before.

The top layer (about the first two feet) of water were warm. Almost like a bath, very warm. And when I would stop to tread water, looking at the navy blue surface and glassy sheen, I thought back to all those murder mysteries and legends. And the water was so cold. Three feet down it must have dropped 15 degrees or more. It was so refreshing. Motorboats sped past and nearby, families and friends floated lazily with beers in hand.

It was so nice to do something. Something very small, but I’ve never felt the temperature of water change like that. And I’ve never seen a lake from its middle. And no one has ever collected rocks for me with their feet. And I rarely enjoy the sun so much, but I definitely did that day. And sandwiches are rarely that good. And drives back are usually not so sleepy. Evenings not usually so content.

There was nothing earth shattering about that day, but it was nice to feel the reality of being in the water, in addition to thinking about the stories of it. I’m still afraid of drowning though. But that’s fine.

Anyways, all my love,

—Mabel

Hello Strangers.

I usually try to publish my Small Dream posts earlier in the day, but on this occasion, I’m happy I didn’t. These posts are always meant to be a happy little distraction, or something I’ve been rolling around in my mind that I don’t want to lose, but I don’t always feel them very deeply in the moment. That’s not the case tonight.

This evening I watched a happy little video about an old dog who was doing his after-bath zoomies. His back was stiff and his jumps were short, but there was so much joy in his little face. I couldn’t help but cry. I was immediately struck with grief, knowing that this beautiful animal didn’t have much longer to live, and I thought of my first good boy. Lewis was a wheaten-terrier mix with golden hair and coppery colored ears. He had the wisest brown eyes. He was my faithful friend for fifteen years.

(Not Lewis, but a painting inspired by what I was feeling tonight.)

My dream this week is like a wish. I hope that in heaven, all of the pets are there. In fact, I really hope that every animal, insect, and spider is there. I believe that in the end, the Lord will restore all things tainted or destroyed by evil. And I hope that that means every special animal, with their smiles, barks, jumps, flapping wings, and scurrying feet will be there. Any that were abused, alongside those treated well. Those beloved elephants, horses, and even alligators will be there. (I wanted to paint an alligator this evening. They’re terrifying, but so cute.) I don’t know if they will be. But they might be. They really, really might be. And that excites me. For now, let’s use the time we’ve been given to treat every living thing with love and dignity. Go snuggle with your pets, I am.

Thanks for stopping by,

–Mabel

Tag: feelgood

A Day at the Lake

Small Dream Saturday: Entry 8