cozyhome – To All My Strangers

Hello Strangers.

It has been a while. I’m afraid that I’ve left behind quite a few friends and quite a few strangers. Forgot to call or couldn’t make myself. It has been a long year. It’s actually been a long four years if I’m honest. This place was something I built for myself to escape that. And whatever this house is made of, it’s sat empty for too long. I’m always leaving my doors and windows open and wondering why the sills are water damaged and there are bugs in the linens. A mess on the floor that I left myself to pick up in the future. I’m tired of all of it. And I’m tired of myself.

And I’ve come back now, and it’s bleak, this house. I left it lightless. And this is when I need it most. Returned on an overcast day. My nose is running as a wet breeze hits my face. So, I’ve brought a candle in a shoe box to put in the window and bags of tea tied to the beltloop of my pants. There should still be supplies here I can use to clean this up. I am not so magical here as to be above owning a washer and dryer… And a vacuum cleaner. (I don’t tell people that, brooms are so much more aesthetically pleasing than vacuum cleaners.) Anyways, look, a thunderstorm is coming.

I’ll have a guest arriving later with a cake I made in his kitchen. I took my picture for this recipe there. It’s a long trip, but he said he’d bring it to me, so I know he will. This one is special, and I love him dearly. He keeps his word. He loves me back. I could almost swear he’s made of sunshine, but there’s water behind his eyes which knocks him off balance sometimes. And he is so good.

Now, for cooler, darker spring days, here’s a recipe that will hopefully remind you of a hot cup of tea with a bit of rum, spiced:

Hot Toddy Cake

Cake:

2 1/2 cups flour

1 cup sugar

1 tablespoon baking powder

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon coriander

The contents of one black tea bag

2 eggs

3/4 cups vegetable oil

1/3 cup water

2 tablespoons sour cream

Simple syrup:

1 handful of sugar

1 tablespoon rum

2 tablespoons black tea

1 tablespoon lemon juice

Frosting:

1 cup heavy whipping cream

1 cup powdered sugar

2 tablespoons spiced rum

2 tablespoons black tea

1 tablespoon lemon juice

Instructions:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Combine all dry ingredients before adding oil, water, eggs, and sour cream. Mix until smooth and pour into a greased 9×9 round cake pan. Bake for forty minutes or until a knife inserted comes out clean.

For the simple syrup, I simply mix a handful of sugar into my hot liquid. When the cake comes out, after cooling a little while, I drizzle or spoon it on.

For the whipped topping, whip the cream until soft peaks form, then add in sugar, rum, tea, and lemon juice, and mix again. This icing has a lighter, smoother texture and less sugar than a buttercream or cream cheese icing, which I personally enjoy. After the cake has fully cooled, pour the icing/frosting onto the cake and smooth out with the back of a spoon.

And that’s the recipe.

You know, I love this home because I have the power here. I’m not beholden to anyone. I am not at anyone’s mercy. And for a long time, I thought I built it for all of you. I love you so. But I think I built it because this is a place where people have to come to me. And if they come to me, I can’t be a burden. No one can tell me that I was too heavy to carry. Or how expensive I am. This is space I can afford to take up. I’m very grateful for that. And I’m very grateful for those who visit me here, on my terms, because I’m really a person who is very afraid of the rejection and resentment of others.

Relieved to be back,

—Mabel

P.S., the thunder outside is getting louder.

Hello, Strangers.

There are so many different types of homes in the world. Some people have houses, some people have gardens, some people have igloos, yurts, huts, castles, palaces, apartment buildings… Home can be anywhere, it can represent any number of things. For some it’s family, for some it’s a place, for some an aspiration. And then there are people who don’t really know where they fit in.

Growing up, I lived in ten different houses, each different than the last. We lived in each corner of the United States, in different styles and sizes of housing, with different people and different dogs. Every place we went, my mother built something that looked like a magazine spread. She found furniture by the side of the road and painted it, found tables and shelves at thrift stores, she painted walls and lampshades and has created a collection of rugs, and everywhere we went, there our things were, rearranged, painted, or deconstructed, in a comfortable living space.

The other night I laid in bed staring at the wall in the dark. It had been a terrible day (week, actually), and I was trying to cheer myself up. I ended up building my dream home, but nothing was quite right. I decided to ask my friends what they thought were the essential components to making a house more homey. These are some of the things they said:

“Usually it’s something about the kitchen, like a natural light source.” –Lizzy Boyd

“Comfy furniture and good paint colors. And dogs…Ambient lighting that doesn’t come from the ceiling.” –Mckenzie Vanderbilt

“I think lots of light.” –Jessica Wayne

“For me, it’s more about people. Photos of family and friends and whatnot.” –Abby Barker

“Warm light. Well placed light just makes a house feel like a home. And also lots of blankets; they should have a place to go when you’re done with them, but you should have a bunch. And reading lights.” –Bree Kemplar

“Friends. Candles. Soft Blankets.” –Oóna Winters

“Have throw blankets!” –Nadia Martins

And my personal favorite from all those collected; when I asked him this question, he simply answered, ‘a table.’ I asked him to elaborate further, and he gave me this answer:

“It’s a center, so to speak. A place to eat, to sit with others, to talk, to make crafts, to play games, to invite friends to. On the ISS in space, where nothing can be set down because gravity will not hold it down, there is a table. Food cannot be placed on it, things cannot be set on it, you cannot even sit at it, but it is there. Because it was deemed necessary. Because the astronauts needed somewhere on their station to meet up for important things.” –Gavin Bolden

I wasn’t expecting that. How could I? And yet, in two words, Gavin defined home better than any other person I’ve ever met. In all of my fantasies, I noticed the dim glow of light in the window, cast by the bulb above the stove, but how many times did I miss the table I’d set? That is always where I’ve taken guests. I put the steaming food in the corner nook and pulled out the chairs so we could sit there in silence. All this time I thought about the kettle, stove, glow, the windows, and doors.

But all of those are worth less without the table.

–Mabel

Tag: cozyhome

My Return… (& a cake recipe)

To Build a Home