Hello Strangers.
I’ve been gone a while, but I thought about this space a lot. I love this blog, but I realized along the way that it was getting harder and harder to write, and I knew why but I hadn’t fully processed it.
When I first started this blog, I wanted to give myself a place to practice my writing and work through ideas I have about life and creativity, but I also wanted an escape for me and for the people that would find it. It was a dark time. I didn’t talk about that nearly as much as I could have. It wouldn’t be the place I wanted to stay if I had.
I’ve mentioned a house in the woods, with a light in the window. And though I’m sure most of you could tell from my writing that I am a young woman, in my mind I didn’t have to have an age. I could just be Mabel, and I actually hoped people might imagine me as an older woman. I at least wanted to cast doubt, because Mabel is a character. She is a deflection away from who I really am. And if I’m honest, when I started this blog, I didn’t want to be a young woman with an uncertain life ahead and no idea what I’m doing. I wanted to feel steady, and ready to face any reality, and any other life that came into my orbit.
I wanted to be someone, who even if the world was ending, she would look out the window at the fires in the distance with a sadness in her eyes, but not fear. She’d turn with determined attention back to what she was baking, tidy the kitchen, and prepare for any guests including Jesus. The end of the world doesn’t happen in a day, you know. There are bound to be stragglers.
The problem I came to was that not acknowledging my life, my age, and the person I believe I am, I was unable to share as much as I wanted to about anything. It made me incapable of creating a home here. So now I think it’s time to reintroduce myself.
I’m 21 years old, and only moved out of my parents’ home a few months ago.
I’m in university earning a degree in studio art. I want to build a business selling wood sculptures.
That plan changes every two weeks.
Also, the reason my writing schedule fell off later last year was because of my university schedule, and it will likely fall off again this semester.
My real-life personality is much louder and more awkward than the one that I write here. I also have severe anxiety that I am very good at hiding but it impacts my functioning in almost every faction of my life.
I live in the city now, and suburbs before that. I’ve never quite lived in the country, though some places have come close.
This blog is a mix of reality and fantasy. If I talk about a cottage or a cabin or my old, gnarled hands, I’m telling a story.
The stories I choose to tell might change the vibe of the home I make here but I still want it to be a good place.
Those are some points of clarity for things I either haven’t mentioned or have only mentioned briefly. I made you read all that because I don’t think I can do what I want to do if I’m not a real person with a real life. And real-life grates on me. I’m not excited about ‘life’ anymore. But if someone feels the same, I’m still aiming to have some hope, and have some happy little lights here. So keep stopping by.
And Happy New Year!
–Mabel
To All My Strangers 